The Hook

I made it past the breakers, beyond the brute slap of the Pacific’s arm and the ramming plunges of whitewater, onto the mammoth back of the ocean. It swells and heaves beneath me. I feel so small.

I paddle farthest out, and behind me, everyone bobs atop their boards, all in black, all watching the outside. Suddenly, floating above the emerald heft, I relax in between sets. I circle to face shore, sitting upright. My feet tangle in the slick fingers of kelp that sways in a world beneath me, a mystifying, pulsing abyss. Sea otters hump three feet from my board, unashamed, and I smile and wipe snot off my face while they cavort and roll in a large circle around me.

I swing outside again and see nothing under the white curtain of fog. But back on the shore, I watch the boys and Dwight take turns sliding on the sand, learning to skim, climbing the cliff rocks. Chas is wearing a red baseball cap. That was a good idea.

Damon, yards behind me on his big banana longboard, puts both fingers to his eyes, then one finger points outside. I turn my back. A tremendous hussy of a wave shows me her hand, and my face falls. I am sucked offshore in her slow inhale, and in the green-gray glassy shadow, where I watch the kelp reach skywards, I draw a pillowfull of air and slink off my board. That’s when the beginner follows her stomach, covers her head, and plunges round and round to the place where leashes become necklaces, surfboards rocket, and the ocean smacks a big fat bubbly sign on my forehead that reads  “DUMBASS.”

what to do?

You know you live in California are a slacker when you have to decide,

    Should I spend tomorrow morning with the kids, stockpiling water and other necessities, reviewing emergency procedure, in the face of a 30% big aftershock possibility (which, incidentally, lasts until Tuesday?) or…
    Should we skip school and drive to the beach for the 7 foot swells at Manresa?

I mean, after all, Ford has a cold. And what kind of parent am I to send a sick child to school? Oh, the stress! A tent, a sleeping bag, thermos of tea and a tote full of books–Tsunami risk aside, the cool, salty mist sounds very therapeutic.

Whoa!

When I was about 6, I remember walking into my friend’s house, next door, and feeling woozy. My friend was Chinese, and her house always smelled like wontons and moth balls. They had an off-white pile carpet and ample north light glowing into the back of the house that, despite the heavy air, gave the space a dreamy, vacuous look. I could read, but I was unable to make anything of the vertical characters on the Chinese newspaper that her father left on the coffee table. I remember the room swaying after I entered, cloaked in heavy scent and unfamiliarity, and feeling as if I might fall over. It was a brief sensation, but I can’t forget it.

I had this same sensation several times when I was younger, always following me into an unfamiliar place: mostly into heavy roomfuls for chotchkes, homes of the elderly, still and too-quiet. But oddly, as I’ve aged, I can’t report having had feelings like that in a long time.

Then last night, when I was in the shower, I felt my husband and his brother running through the hallway outside the bathroom. When they felt like they were about to pound through the door, I felt my knees brace and the walls move closer in. In one movement, I swung open the curtain and lept into the doorjamb, and there I clung like a web as I watched the medicine cabinet door swing back and forth for something like twenty seconds. The room swayed, the invisible train rumbled away, and there I was, dripping onto the tile floor and wondering, wooo, that’s something I haven’t felt in a while.

Link.